When cruel words are spoken and doubt kicks in!
Last night I looked at Twitter and here are some of the comments that were written about me
"She's not even thin"
"She's a Fat nutritionist"
"If she's so healthy why is she so fat"
There were just some of the milder comments that were on my Twitter last night
At first It was a hard to read as someone who spent almost two decades hating her reflection it was almost like having my worst fears confirmed, everyone thinks I'm unattractive was my first thought with so many people telling me my body isn't acceptable it was hard to feel positive. It wasn't so nice and if I'm honest, in fact some of the comments made me feel a little bit like crying. It's taken me a really long time to not only like how I look but actually really appreciate and have love for my body. My ego went into overdrive when I read the comments and again if I'm honest my initial reaction was to hide away.
However, my current job is one where I help women and girls love themselves to health so I needed to become my own best friend and had to have a kind compassionate word to myself and take my own advice! Yes I am a nutritionist and I'm not ashamed to say I'm a good one, I know because people regularly tell me. Clients thank me and praise me for the advice I've given them and say the advice has helped them change their life. I've helped clients come off diabetic medication, come off anti- depressants and my favourite was a lady who had been trying to get pregnant for 7 years and conceived naturally after changing her diet for three months!!
My weight doesn't affect my brains ability to think to know or understand. No I'm not a size 8 I may not be a stereotypical ‘thin’ nutritionist I am actually a size 12 and I'm healthy and a knowledgeable nutritionist. So whilst some people may make unkind comments about my weight - I no longer hate my body the way I spent so many years doing.
You see, I now have a fully functioning body I was diagnosed at 24 with poly cystic ovary syndrome and told if I wanted children I would need IVF however a recent scan showed I no longer have the condition & I now have regular periods. I also spent a lot of my twenties depressed whereas I now wake up happy - happy to be alive, thankful to live and grateful for my body. Do I have dips in my mood? – Yes of course I do - I am human, but to me my happiness is no longer controlled by my reflection nor on someone else option of my body and that in itself is a revelation.
I like my body, no - make that - I love my body it's fully functioning! It's a vessel how it looks or what size I am is not the sole focus of my life anymore. And trust me for the longest time it was, I've put off so many thing and not done things for exactly that reason the fear of what people would think or say about me but that wasn't living at all that was hiding, it was silly, it was restrictive and it wasn't fun. In order to practise what I preach I had to have a compassionate word with myself which helped me to conquered my returning body demons, I have learnt to see that my weight is not my worth, and believe me for the longest time I truly did think my physical looks were what made me lovable or not.
We live in a world where girls are constantly told they need to look a particular way to be loved and this is so sad. We body bash and body shame women every day you only have to look at blogs, newspapers, magazines and even the TV women worldwide are constantly body bashed firstly for gaining weight secondly for losing weight they can't win, one minute they are too fat the next too thin and even if they look drop dead gorgeous the papers then print stories about how they rate their hair, dress or something else they can take them down on. The media constantly criticises. It's sad and it needs to stop, why can't we embrace the bodies we have and focus on health not weight?
Weight doesn't indicate someone’s health. I see many women who's height to weight ratio means they should be perfectly healthy however many of these women and girls sit in my office crying telling me they under eat, binge and then over exercise to compensate and hate the way they look. This is far from healthy. I've been both heavier and slimmer in fact there was a time where I didn't eat any solid food for possibly around 8 weeks or so I lost around three stone and everyone told me how good I looked - I was in fact pretty ill, constantly cold and very depressed but all people told me was I looked nice!! This is a very warped world to live in and a tragic message to send to young girls and women.
I see a lot of girls in my clinic with distorted body image and borderline eating disorders and I believe that we as a nation really need to act out of kindness more often. Praise people for their talents, their kindness not for good genetics or their current eating habits.
Why are people so happy to throw about unkind words? Words can be like weapons they can wound sometimes, whilst we can choose how we interpret them, sometimes they hit a nerve and logic is lost. Words can and do hurt but we as women can unit and change this. Personally I believe as women we need to become kinder firstly to ourselves and then to other women we need to stand united and act out of kindness and respect. I'm not sure that being mean to anyone ever made anyone a better person.
Some may argue that going on a TV show was me just opening myself up for criticism. However I don't see it that way, why do we have to bench mark every woman on the way she looks? So what if I'm a few pounds heavier than people think I should be - my health is the best it's ever been. I'm no longer depressed, I have regular periods, if that means some people don't like my body then you know what I'm OK with that.
Self esteem comes from self, a few years ago this would have shattered me in a way I can't even articulate. There were so many cruel comments from people - however the reality is these people don't know me they've never met me so why should I really put that much importance on what they think of me. It's not their job to love my body after all it's mine. Whilst it's never nice to read unkind things about yourself and I'm not going to pretend they didn't hurt - momentarily it did.
The old wounds reopened and I fleetingly questioned myself. But such is life, my doctor thinks I'm a healthy weight for my height, I have a healthy body and for once I'm generally happy in my own skin. I never weigh myself anymore I used to weigh myself religiously a few times a day. That's stopped. My worth is not based on my weight anymore.
Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if people weren't quick to judge or be so critical of others? I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where women were encouraged to love their bodies no matter what their shape or size? However this body bashing of all shapes and sizes needs to stop in all forms. Thin, fat, curvy are all too often used in a derogatory manner that sends out the message that they are not good enough, not worthy and needs to be different. We as women need to love ourselves more and we need to teach others what's acceptable and what's not. If we don't love ourselves we live in a place of comparing ourselves and judging others and they are never good route to go down. If we constantly criticise our bodies it almost gives others permission to treat us the same.
Life is so short, so fleeting, some people will hate you some people will love you. Your job is to ignore the haters, surround yourself with people that love you and don't let anyone tell you how you should look. Healthy is the aim of the game not a number on the scales.
Feed your mind with thoughts that feel good.
Nourish your body with foods that are natural and delicious.
Fuel your soul by shining your light and living your passions.
Life is too short to be lived any other way. I personally think it would be heaven on earth if humans could treat everyone the way they wanted to be treated and speak only words they would like to have spoken back to them. So today I'm going to leave you with one thought - How beautiful would you be if the words you spoke and the comments you made appeared on your skin? Would it show that you’re compassionate, caring and kind OR judgmental, cruel and mean? I know where I'd rather be.